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The Letter Every Post-Partum Woman Wants To Send Her Partner….But Won’t

Dear Father of My Child:

I am only writing this letter with the intent not to send it. If by chance you ever see this, you will soon understand why.

It has been a bit of time since we had our baby. It has bonded us beyond all imagine, and yes, it not only has brought out the best, but the worst in each other.

For the most part, I don’t even think about sex. The only time I do is when you remind me, or when it occurs to me that I once used to be a Sexual Being.

I remember those times with you..the shaking with want, the longing looks across the room, the honeymoon exhaustion of making love and seeing how many times we could accomplish the task per day. I remember the giggling, the entwining, the casual touches we used to share when not wrapped in each others arms, having our special language, especially when we wanted to tease each other when others were around. I remember, even if you think I don’t.

Please don’t take me not wanting sex as me not wanting you.

I am sure my not wanting sex has to do with exhaustion, hormones, post-partum blues, not recognizing my own body (if I don’t want to look at it, I definitely don’t want you to), and having a little being on my breast all day (and night). With all those reasons, you are not one of them. You are still the desirable and sexy man I made this baby with.

The thing is, I want to want sex right now, but I just…well…don’t.

It is so hard to explain, especially to you in person, which is why I am writing this. I feel so detached from my Sexual Self, and I desperately want that part of me back. She is in here somewhere, my Sexy Self, I just don’t know how to get to her…and unfortunately nothing you could do right now would hasten the hunt.

a wistful womanI just really need your support, even if you don’t understand, your encouragement, even if it is challenging, and your distance, even if you want to be close sexually.

My Sexual Self will be back soon, and I know that having sex again will be better than ever, now that we have been made closer by our love for our child.

I might not want sex right now, but I always want you. That part of me is always alive, even if my Sexual Self may not be.

Just please be patient, my love…she is in here somewhere, and she’ll be back soon.

I wrote this after my second baby when the last thing I had on my mind was sex. My husband has never seen it. It was around the same time I came up with the idea for SexCies.

 

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