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Passion to Puh-LEASE Go Away; Is Marriage Where Butterflies Go To DIE? (Part #1)

Warning to my 19 year old son (OR my Mother): if you read this, and you will have to go into therapy.

I finally figured it out.

Of all things, watching Twilight this afternoon…I realized why such movies are so popular and why people end up having affairs.

New Love, Fresh Love...Bella and Edward's First Kiss

The First Kiss; A Drug Of Choice

New love. Fresh love. It is like a drug; the aching, the longing, the yearning. It is a national and personal obsession. Heck, it was actually featured on a Dr. Drew series (love addiction masquerades for women as sex addiction).

Quivering..anticipating… I MISS that.

I miss anxiously waiting to get a text and the glow that came after the “Good Morning, my Love” popped up on my phone. I miss waking up in the morning and him being the first thought on my mind. I miss him looking at me adoringly, holding my hand, and taking 45 minutes to tell me all the things about me that he loves. I miss the longing glances across a crowded room (this is when we didn’t have kids and actually went out in public). I miss the zap I would feel when, in the beginning, we inadvertently touched each other. I miss sexual tension. I miss the butterflies in my tummy.  I miss US.

Bored Couple

From Flipping Tummy to Flippin' Bored

The same man who once made me shake with reverence when he entered a room rolled his eyes at me today while walking past me. “The baby is eating day old French fries off the floor,”he announced. His voice dripped with disdain.


Whereas before I used to quiver, I now tense when my husband comes home from a 12 hour shift at the Mill. What kind of mood will he be in? Will he point out how messy the house (and the kids, for that matter) is? It  amazes me sometimes that the man that used to make me have a perma-grin from ear to ear now makes me indignant beyond imagine (“You DO know I have a three kids, a home, AND a business to attend to, right?! Screw the dishes..the kids are alive, aren’t they?! Watch “Hoarders”, that will make you feel better about the mess”).

I miss the man who used to strain my orange juice (I hate pulp) and tell me to “take my time” getting ready when we had a function to go to. Where is he? Where am I?!

I used to run to the bathroom before he woke up to make sure I looked cute (you know the trick..just a bit of blush and mascara..not enough for him to know you put on make-up, but just enough to look “naturally pretty and fresh faced”). I used to be up for anything in the bedroom, now (to be honest), sex is the 12ththing on my daily-to-do-list (detangling my daughter’s hair for preschool is #1).

butterfly on hand

How Do We Keep Them Alive?

Twilight is still on and I feel this ache in my stomach. I just realized what it is….I am in mourning. I am mourning the loss of my New Love, the high that came with it, and the hum-drum that comes with my life now.  I don’t blame the kids for this (of course) but do you know that the Hubby and I actually discuss our kid’s poop (texture, amount, time of day dispensed, etc)? During the shaking, the lust, the I-can’t-live-or-breath-without-you phase, we never would have imagined THAT as a hot topic for future conversations.

I’m not naive. I know relationships grow, mature, and deepen. I know lust seems to lessen, children come in and add a new layer of crazy, we stop putting on make-up before they get up, we don sweat pants instead of stillettos…things get..well, average. I get it, maybe I just don’t want to accept it.

So how do I (we) fix this? Yes, finally our sex life is back on track (thanks to SexCies), but it seems there needs to be more than that to get my tummy flipping again.  If it’s possible, how do I do it? How do I get that feeling of longing? How do I get that New Love feeling fix, even with someone I’ve been with for years? How do we get the butterflies back?

I’d really like to hear what you think…feel free to put in your two cents below or at www.facebook.com/shapewearforthebedroom. Please also share this, I really want to know if other women feel the same.




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